the drawbacks

this is an amazing job, as i am getting paid to travel. but of course there are drawbacks. there are people you don´t get along with, and there are those that can affect the mood of a whole tour. there are late buses, overcrowded restaurants and slow service, crappy weather and no views of the volcano. but that´s fine.

the hardest things are the creature comforts. i have the strange dichotomy within me to continue moving and traveling while at the same time finding my niche and settling in. this job means no steady life, friends, guys. no warm sofa to curl up on and watch a movie, or make hot chocolate at 2am. no kraft mac and cheese, no tator tot casserole, no xword puzzles on a rainy day with jes. no apples to apples with autumn and conor, or meeting jules at crema. i miss my friends, and while laura pointed out that now i have friends at every port (or hos in different area codes, hehe), i know myself and know i will struggle without that routine and safety. who can i turn to for a hug? who will listen to me cry when i feel broken down and melancholy? of course i can´t burden pax with that, even if we do become friends, because they are on vacation and i am working and it´s like a conflict of interests.

it will be hard living out of a backpack for 7 weeks at a time, too, but that is more doable. since they´re not major treks or anything, i realize that i can throw in another tshirt or two and not have quite as limited of a wardrobe. but that´s so vain of me! hehe, it happens.

like i kind of mentioned above, i am not sure if this is 100% my niche. granted i haven´t been doing it for long, but even still… I was on the plane the other day coming from Costa Rica, and they were showing a special on ¨Stomp¨, which I saw in NYC with Jimmi many years ago. Anyway, it made me realize how much i love dancing, whether it was tap or swing or zapateo or salsa – it makes me feel light and free and happy! And i love being on stage and miss performing (even tho pasting a smile on my face with pax can be a performance in itself sometimes!), and don´t know if that means that I will not do as well in this job because a part of me will be wondering what else is out ther. This is where the nomad kicks in.

I ran into 2 guys the other night, Brendon and Jason, who I met a month and a half ago in Merida, and now they were sitting in the Irish pub in Antigua. We hung out and had a lot of fun, and it was nice to make set plans with people, even just for the next day. We were able to meet for breakfast, take a nice hike, and just hang out for the day. And I got a real hug, and damn it felt good. THAT is what I am going to miss more than anything.

Much love and many hugs,
J

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