i refuse to succumb

Maybe you say that resistance is futile, but I refuse to become a cynic.

On this day of “love and friendship”, what are we celebrating? Me, I’m once more doing some personal inventory and realizing who are my true friends and who aren’t. Over the last two months my life has been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster, but I will not let that defeat me. I won’t let the heartbreak, the hurt, the tears and the dull ache stop me from believing in romance. It has to exist – maybe it’s just not mine to experience. I just discovered one year pared down into the small number 13 – lucky? Unlucky? Depends who you ask. But I will not be swayed! Cynicism is too easy and it’s a cop out. It’s for people who are afraid (aren’t we all?!) and unwilling to go any further. You have to take a step; you have to let yourself trust, even if that means hurting again.

Yet again I turn to “The Prophet”:

When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
…And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams
as the north wind lays waste the garden.

For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you.
Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning…

Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
…To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.

I have hurt, and I’m sure this isn’t the last time. But it’s part of the process. Love and let yourself be loved – don’t be scared!

Me? I’ll be ok. Maybe next year will be different. As for now, all I can say is – once again – I have the most amazing, supportive, understanding, spectacular friends that anyone could ask for. Some silver, some gold – all a part of my heart.

Happy Valentine’s day, everyone.

Much love and many hugs,
Joslyn

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